A Not So Picture Perfect Relationship

In high school, there are many “standards” that girls feel the need to live up to. We feel the need to be popular, to be pretty, to be smart, and of course, to have a perfect boyfriend. How would you describe the perfect boyfriend? Is he tall, dark, and handsome, or sweet, funny and caring? Neither of these are what I would consider the perfect boyfriend. Society has corrupted our views on what a “perfect relationship” should look like.

I had this best friend. She fit every standard listed above, and all through high school she had a perfect boyfriend. Granted she didn’t date the same boy all four years. She dated many “perfect” boys. Being her best friend, it was hard not to be jealous of her relationship. From the outside, it seemed so perfect. I rarely had a boyfriend during high school, and when I did, it wasn’t a “perfect” relationship. It had its quirks and issues, and that bothered me. Looking back now, I realize that a “perfect” relationship does not exist until we define “perfect” for ourselves.

I’ve had to take time to define the “perfect relationship” for myself. My idea of this three years ago would be much different than my idea of this now. Before reading Walker Percy’s The Loss of the Creature, I had a general sense of how to find satisfaction, but I wasn’t completely sure. After reading Percy’s essay, it’s clear to me the changes that I have had to make to become satisfied. I no longer look to my friends’ relationships or movie relationships to define “perfect.” When I need to be reminded what a perfect relationship it, I look at all the pictures hanging in my room of not-so-perfect me and my not-so-perfect boyfriend. Together we have a relationship that is our definition of “perfect.”

Sharon Hodde Miller, writer for Relevant Magazine, agrees that there is no such thing as a “perfect relationship.” In fact, she says in one of her articles that the problem with perfect relationships is that they “don’t exist. Whenever you bring two sinners together, you have brokenness.” (Hodde Miller). The brokenness refers to the imperfections in us humans. When we’re trying to find our “perfect relationship,” we have to take into account that we have our flaws, and so does our soul mate. Hodde Miller ends her article by saying that “where sins abound, grace abounds all the more,” which just goes to show that our imperfections are far more beautiful, in their own way, than any of our perfections could ever be (Hodde Miller).

For me, a relationship cannot be perfect without bringing a sense of delight into my world. Percy says that “delight is ambiguous. On the one hand, it is a pleasure for him to encounter the same Gallick temperament he had heard about from Puccini and Rolland. But on the other hand, the source of his pleasure testifies on a certain alienation” (Percy 475). Percy is saying that to experience delight, we may experience things that other people have already experienced, but we must alienate their views so that we can form our own.

It’s like a double date; you’re experiencing the same thing as someone else, but you’re experiencing it differently. You each are seeing things from a different perspective. For you, you’re there with your friend, her boyfriend, and your boyfriend. For her, it’s the exact opposite: you, your boyfriend, and her boyfriend. Though they are essentially the same experience, because you experience them differently, the delight comes from sharing the experience together.

The other sense of delight that Percy describes is the delight that comes with the alienation of preconceptions. Everyone has an idea of what this double date should be like. It’s very rare that things- or in this case, the double date- would go as planned. It would be a move scene. Nothing would go wrong. You might even say it was “perfect.” This type of delight that Percy is referring to is a bit harder to achieve. Like stated above, you need to alienate preconceptions. If you are able to achieve this type of delight, you’re one of few.

These pre-

conceptual ideas set us up for disappointment. Take Cinderella, for example. Cinderella’s Prince Charming is “perfect.” This movie gives young girls a preconception of what their true love should be like. These young girls then grow up, get to high school, and realize that life isn’t a fairy tale, and that Prince Charming isn’t so perfect.

My Prince Charming is nothing like Cinderella’s. I have a different definition of “perfect.” We don’t ride in a carriage pulled by horses, we don't go to formal dances or wear fancy formal clothes. We drive trucks, we go to bonfires, and we wear jeans. Figure One shows Cinderella and her “perfect relationship.” Figure Two shows me, and my “perfect relationship.” We’re nowhere near perfect, but we are happy.

I’ve been able to find satisfaction in my relationship because I have alienated what society has said about what the “perfect relationship” looks like. I’ve defined “perfect” for myself, which has allowed me to be content with the way my relationship is. It is not a relationship where we go out to fancy dinners all the time, or buy each other expensive gifts. It’s a relationship where we spend time together laughing at the same things, watching movies, and doing things that we both enjoy.

In his writing, Percy uses visiting the Grand Canyon as an example of perspective. Figure Three and Figure Four are both photographs of the Grand Canyon, yet they look completely different. They are different points of views, therefore they look nothing alike. If you were to go to the Grand Canyon and photograph your experience there without looking at these photos first, your photograph would take on a completely different look. If you were to view these photos first, you would have a preconception of what you think the Grand Canyon should look like. These photographs show what viewing the Grand Canyon was like to someone else. It is not your experience, so you cannot have the expectation that your experience will be like the ones photographed above, because you will then be disappointed.

The idea of going through life experiences without a pre-conceptual idea of what you're about to experience, otherwise known as going "off the beaten path," is a key element of finding satisfaction with your life. In his work, Percy says that this is how we discover the "lost creature." In other words, the sight of the Grand Canyon can be recovered by changing things up and going about them in a different way. Society creates an image of what the Grand Canyon should look like. If you can remove the image that it has created, you'll be able to "recover" "it," or in this case, the Grand Canyon. You'll be seeing it for what it really is.

Percy also talks about how society has corrupted our perception so much that we do not realize what we're missing. We've lost our ability to form our own ideas and opinions. That's why we must "recover" the "creature" by going "off the beaten path." Once we can recover it, we are now able to see what was meant previously about not being able to live our lives without learning how to alienate our life experiences form society's pre-set ideas.

Once you realize that your life is your own story to write, and not a replication of someone else's, that's when you've succeeded. The amount of life lessons that can be pulled from the writing of Walker Percy is incredible. Almost everything he writes about can be applied to every person- as an individual. If there is one thing that can be pulled from his essay, it's that everyone should live their life for themselves. Your life is yours to have and to hold, to cherish and to nurture. Don’t define “perfect” based off of someone else’s idea of perfect.

I found my “perfect” by opening my eyes and realizing that no one is perfect. That the insanely high standards I had set were too high. No one would ever be able to reach my standards because they were unimaginable. They were society’s idea of “perfect,” which is impossible to be. My perfect relationship reaches all of my standards because I was able to knock down society’s. Like Sharon Hodde Miller suggests in her article, our imperfections make up perfect. Therefore, I’d venture to say that we are perfectly imperfect.

Walker Percy talks about recovering “the creature” by straying off the beaten path. By going off the beaten path, you are able to leave society’s standards behind. You can make your own path, creating your own standards and definitions to live by. This is when satisfaction is achieved.

Written for my College writing class in 2015- some images have been changed.

Works Cited

Cinderella and Prince Charming. Digital image. N.p., n.d. Web.

Grand Canyon. Photograph N.d. Web.

Hodde Miller, Sharon. "The Myth of Perfect Dating." RELEVANT Magazine. RELEVANT Magazine, 7 May 2007. Web. 22 Feb. 2015.

Percy, Walker. “The Loss of the Creature.” Ways of Reading: An Anthology for Writers. Ed. David Bartholomae and Anthony Petrosky. Boston: Bedford/St. Martins, 2005. 468-486. Print.